Update

Here is a photo of my belly two days pre-surgery, August 3 to be exact - my birthday. You can see why I was pleading with the surgeons to avoid my tattoo; it's right in the line of fire for the bikini laproscopic surgery. (and why do I think I'm going to get comments and emails from pervs after I post this?)


Here is a close-up of my one-port laproscopic surgery site 2 weeks post-surgery. The flaky stuff is surgical glue; no stitches or staples for me! That dark curve in the middle that sort looks like the top of a question mark - that used to be my belly button. I still harbor hope I'll get it back in the next month or so...

(Okay, so how many people did I just dissuade from donating? heh. Sorry 'bout that)

My bruises are chartreuse and fading, finally, and I've regained a large range of motion. Stretching is uncomfortable (to say the least), my incision is itchy-ouchy in the way that any scab/wound is when healing, and my back is suffering because my core muscles are currently not holding up their end of the contract.

And I still can't wear my pants! After my friend Suzanne caught me in men's Tigger boxer shorts, I capitulated and bought a pair of sweats and a pair of loose cotton bermuda shorts with a drawstring waist. Bah.

As for the emotional side of this, my recovery is much slower. Denial is handy, and anger is even better. We still don't know why this happened. I suppose there should be some delight in confounding the 'experts' but in this case, not so much.

The worst part is that there simply is no support system for donors dealing with something like this. Sure, 95% of grafts from living donors make it through the first year (http://www.optn.org/AR2007/510c_ki.pdf), but what about the other 5%? In 2007, over 6000 kidney transplants were done using living donors (http://www.optn.org/latestData/rptData.asp), which leaves approximately 300 flailing in isolation, forgotten. That's just not acceptable, and it shouldn't be to the medical community either.

untiltled

They removed the kidney at about 2:40pm today. Turns out blood was flowing into and out of it, but not being absorbed, so it died.

They don't know why. Everything on paper looks perfect. I was perfect; the kidney was perfect; Mary was perfect. Yet here we are.

All these months, all this money, and we're right back where we started.

Well, that's not exactly true. Mary's had three surgeries in a week and now has less of a chance of finding a compatible organ compliments of their 'bafflement', and I'm down a kidney, bruised to hell and back, sporting a rather unattractive wound, and unable to fit into 95% of my clothing for at least the next month.

And long term? Let's see - I shouldn't get pregnant (one kidney means high risk. Tack my age in there and it's a profoundly bad idea), I can't increase my life insurance AND I could be turned down by our pro-profit health insurance system for a pre-existing condition despite all literature stipulating I'm no worse off than a healthy two-kidneyed person.

Sure I knew this going in, but the trade-off was supposed to be my sister's health. Now I have nothing.

Heroes save lives, or die trying to save lives. Nobody wants to hear about a person who donates an organ that fails. It's icky. Not to mention bad PR.

So please, save all your trite and comforting phrases. I'm a counselor, I know 'em all by heart. And God - well, he can just suck my dick.

Timeline Anyone...

My new friends who've tread this path before me - exactly when do I stop looking like I'm a few months pregnant?

CO2 and swelling dissipation, anyone? Cuz pants are just not an option.

Brought to You By the Color Yellow and Letter B...

Yes, boys and girls, today we're talking about bruises. Pre-op they stuck me with one IV needle, in PACU (Post-Anesthetic Care Unit aka Recovery), I woke up with two lines in my right forearm, two in my left, and another in the back of my right hand.

This, on top of the two pointy-teethed creatures that took my blood on Monday.

During my two nights enjoying The Cleveland Clinic's hospitality, two more tiny vampires struck an outer vein in my left arm too.

Four days out and the purple, significant and wide-spread I assure you, is melding into a swamp green and that sad brown shade of yellow most usually associated with vegetables and flowers past their prime.

My poor beleaguered belly button is stifled under steri-strips, and the surrounding bruise is anything but cute. My S.O. uttered an "eww" this morning at the site of it.

Unconditional love :-)

Tomorrow's Post: how do they get surgical tape adhesive in all those interesting places?

Sister Update: Many surgeons, many specialists, many opinions. Trixie is producing urine; not as much as they hoped but more than before. They threw a couple of non-invasive tests at Min yesterday and by all reports, things are moving in a positive direction. Dad and Jeff, the sturdy oak patriarch of Mary's familial unit, have both reported she is in good spirits and looks much better than she did the day before.

We wait, and we have faith.

This Will Be Brief...

Cuz Boy Am I Whipped!

I'm home, strangely swollen belly and all. Mary is not so fortunate. Yesterday, after a routine ultrasound, they ran her back into surgery (no exaggeration; she said her bangs were blowing back from her face). They were concerned about a clot, which they didn't find. As of this morning, she is producing urine again, but they think Trixie might be 'stunned', which sort of means she went into hibernation because they bounced her around too much. She was scheduled for the 'nuke 'em' test (as I call it) were they hit Mary with radioactive iodine and track it through Trixie. I believe there is some othe test on the books too.

The surgeons, etc. are cautiously optimistic. I saw Mary and she's swollen but in good spirits. Everyone's prayers and positive thoughts are appreciated and welcome.



ps. yeah I liked the morphine pump. I'm a fan of those leg-squeezing things too :-)

Birthday Mayhem

This post will be disjointed and possibly incoherent, but it's my birthday AND I'm having surgery in two days, so I'm allowed!

1. It is official - I either need a brand new computer OR I need an external hard drive. My laptop has a tiny hard drive because really, you don't need to be storing oodles of stuff there, and I bought it to write. My PC, however has a bit of age on it (for PCs, that is). I took a gander at my C drive today and oops - I don't have my space available there either. Let's put it this way - my new ipod classic has more space than my PC AND my laptop combined.

Heh.

So if someone, anyone could either find me or build me a reliable external, I would be most grateful.

2. The emotional rollercoaster has begun. I had my first directly-related-to-surgery anxiety dream on Friday night. That sucked. Then I was breaking into tears over cheesy magazine ads on Saturday, and this morning my dad's voice broke over the phone when he called to wish me a Happy Birthday.

And to think, I can't have a drink until after the surgery.

3. Now that I'm (apparently) cleaning out my hard drive, I ran into this - it is at once disturbing and horribly funny.....



Mysteriously (cough, cough) I seem to have located a couple of stray photos of nekkid men too... Wonder where those came from.... (cough, cough)

Here's Amy and I, many drinks in at the Barley House in downtown Akron when we were accosted by the Bud Light Girls. Suze was out smoking a cigarette at the time...