Highlights....
Santa raining diamonds on all the women in my family.
Watching my grown siblings and I tear though boxes of Cracker Jacks just to get to the prize inside.
Marty Moose mugs ala Christmas Vacation:
And lots and lots of laughter and love....
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
The Great Pill Debaucle....
aka Living with Canine Cancer....
aka How to Get your Bitchy Dog To Take her Pain Meds...
Every day Ms. Folly receives two Tramadol in the morning and two at night. When we started on this routine, it was easy enough to slather some peanut butter on a saltine, immerse the pills and away we'd go. Greyhounds adore peanut butter so she hardly tasted it going down. The only complication was that occassionally she'd get the blob stuck on the roof of her mouth and make me cackle as she contorted her face in various attempts to remove it. I learned to give her the cracker peanut butter side down.
Somewhere along the way, she got wise. She started rejecting the peanut butter. So I squished them up in a little ball of bread. That worked for a few days.
Then I wrapped them in Velveeta. I think the only thing Greyhounds like more than peanut butter is Velvetta. However, unless they hoark, the pills fall out. It's not as if there's anything sticky in Velveeta to keep them in place.
When she wouldn't rebuff my offerings entirely, she's take them into her mouth, slobber all over them, masticate them and then spit them unceremoniously on my kitchen floor. Frankly, half chewed and indistinguishable bits of cracker, peanut butter, bread and otherwise being ground into burnt orange shag carpet is just disgusting.
And let's not forget the Oscar-worthy performance she'd dredge up everytime her sensitive palate got a hint of these meds. Eyes bulging, tongue thrusting, lips curled back, great gobs of frothing and heaving..... This is so dramatic that one night my niave SO calls "I think she's having a seizure!" Having lived with a greyhound prone to seizures, I dashed to the kitchen with my heart pounding only to stop short, my shoulders slumping, and deadpan "No, that's just pill melodrama" turn on my heel and walk away.
Mind you, each of these pills is smaller than my flipping birth control. We're talking 2x7 millimeters. I think I've accidentally swallowed bugs bigger than that - how bad could it possibly be?
After exhausting weeks of this struggle, wherein crying, nagging, shouting, haranguing, hair pulling, teeth gnashing and other great gestures were implemented to no avail, I think I finally hit upon the solution.
Ready?
Icing.
A quarter of a Saltine (the smaller the object, the less likely she'll reject it), a glob of white store-bought frosting, and then I extract the tiny little pills from their bottle with tweezers (as to not soil my hands with the scent), place them in the sugary goodness, then cover it with more carb hell.
Folly's weakness for sweets means she snarfs with abandon.
I'll let you know when she catches on; I'm sure it won't take long.
aka How to Get your Bitchy Dog To Take her Pain Meds...
Every day Ms. Folly receives two Tramadol in the morning and two at night. When we started on this routine, it was easy enough to slather some peanut butter on a saltine, immerse the pills and away we'd go. Greyhounds adore peanut butter so she hardly tasted it going down. The only complication was that occassionally she'd get the blob stuck on the roof of her mouth and make me cackle as she contorted her face in various attempts to remove it. I learned to give her the cracker peanut butter side down.
Somewhere along the way, she got wise. She started rejecting the peanut butter. So I squished them up in a little ball of bread. That worked for a few days.
Then I wrapped them in Velveeta. I think the only thing Greyhounds like more than peanut butter is Velvetta. However, unless they hoark, the pills fall out. It's not as if there's anything sticky in Velveeta to keep them in place.
When she wouldn't rebuff my offerings entirely, she's take them into her mouth, slobber all over them, masticate them and then spit them unceremoniously on my kitchen floor. Frankly, half chewed and indistinguishable bits of cracker, peanut butter, bread and otherwise being ground into burnt orange shag carpet is just disgusting.
And let's not forget the Oscar-worthy performance she'd dredge up everytime her sensitive palate got a hint of these meds. Eyes bulging, tongue thrusting, lips curled back, great gobs of frothing and heaving..... This is so dramatic that one night my niave SO calls "I think she's having a seizure!" Having lived with a greyhound prone to seizures, I dashed to the kitchen with my heart pounding only to stop short, my shoulders slumping, and deadpan "No, that's just pill melodrama" turn on my heel and walk away.
Mind you, each of these pills is smaller than my flipping birth control. We're talking 2x7 millimeters. I think I've accidentally swallowed bugs bigger than that - how bad could it possibly be?
After exhausting weeks of this struggle, wherein crying, nagging, shouting, haranguing, hair pulling, teeth gnashing and other great gestures were implemented to no avail, I think I finally hit upon the solution.
Ready?
Icing.
A quarter of a Saltine (the smaller the object, the less likely she'll reject it), a glob of white store-bought frosting, and then I extract the tiny little pills from their bottle with tweezers (as to not soil my hands with the scent), place them in the sugary goodness, then cover it with more carb hell.
Folly's weakness for sweets means she snarfs with abandon.
I'll let you know when she catches on; I'm sure it won't take long.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Just to get ya in the holiday spirit....
The Calvacade of Bad Nativities (thanks Keri). Make sure to look at the sequel too.
Friday, December 07, 2007
Another bit of Greyhound Related Holiday Advice
Compliments of http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=170718091&blogID=328632770
Christmas Tree Decorating for Greyhound Owners.
Carefully choose your tree.
Eyeball up the room for best place to put tree out of the path of mad dogs.
Place tree in location least likely to attract mad dogs.
Stifle scream when inevitable crash occurs.
Set tree upright and move to second location.
Get sturdy ladder.
Tell husband to kindly leave room.
Climb ladder to start at top of tree. Stop.
Scramble down ladder and remove star from Greyhound's yap.
Start over. Climb back down ladder and chase greyhound through house to retrieve extension cord.
Climb back up ladder. Hang four ornaments. Jump off 5th step of ladder and attempt to beat greyhound to the tinsel box.
Tell husband to pipe down - everything's just dandy.
Climb back up ladder. Hang half a dozen more ornaments. Come back down ladder and step on greyhound who was NOT there 2 seconds ago.
Throw away empty treat box and continue to sooth offended dog.
Decide top half of tree looks just fine half naked.
Tell husband you really don't need his help.
Continue decorating tree while performing intricate leaps and dance steps that would put a 17 year old in traction in order to avoid greyhound.
Stop to ponder how greyhound manages to migrate under your feet no matter where you happen to be.
Screw up next intricate dance step and open second box of treats.
Tell husband that you not only don't need his help, you don't appreciate his running commentary.
Grab remaining ornaments, wipe off dog slobber, and place carefully on tree by throwing them at the tree. Keep ornaments that catch - pitch ones that don't.
Kick empty ornament containers down stairs.
Three parts vodka, wave tonic bottle at glass.
Repeat last step until headache recedes.
Christmas Tree Decorating for Greyhound Owners.
Carefully choose your tree.
Eyeball up the room for best place to put tree out of the path of mad dogs.
Place tree in location least likely to attract mad dogs.
Stifle scream when inevitable crash occurs.
Set tree upright and move to second location.
Get sturdy ladder.
Tell husband to kindly leave room.
Climb ladder to start at top of tree. Stop.
Scramble down ladder and remove star from Greyhound's yap.
Start over. Climb back down ladder and chase greyhound through house to retrieve extension cord.
Climb back up ladder. Hang four ornaments. Jump off 5th step of ladder and attempt to beat greyhound to the tinsel box.
Tell husband to pipe down - everything's just dandy.
Climb back up ladder. Hang half a dozen more ornaments. Come back down ladder and step on greyhound who was NOT there 2 seconds ago.
Throw away empty treat box and continue to sooth offended dog.
Decide top half of tree looks just fine half naked.
Tell husband you really don't need his help.
Continue decorating tree while performing intricate leaps and dance steps that would put a 17 year old in traction in order to avoid greyhound.
Stop to ponder how greyhound manages to migrate under your feet no matter where you happen to be.
Screw up next intricate dance step and open second box of treats.
Tell husband that you not only don't need his help, you don't appreciate his running commentary.
Grab remaining ornaments, wipe off dog slobber, and place carefully on tree by throwing them at the tree. Keep ornaments that catch - pitch ones that don't.
Kick empty ornament containers down stairs.
Three parts vodka, wave tonic bottle at glass.
Repeat last step until headache recedes.
12 Days of Christmas, Greyhound Style
One thing someone forgot here was a 'watered' Christmas tree - thank you, Oh Dearly Departed Charlie.....
Greyhound Twelve Days of Christmas
On the first day of Christmas my Greyhound gave to me
The Angel topper from the Christmas tree.
On the second day of Christmas my Greyhound gave to me
Two strings of yard lights.
On the third day of Christmas my Greyhound gave to me
Three punctured ornaments
On the fourth day of Christmas my Greyhound gave to me
Four broken window candles
On the fifth day of Christmas my Greyhound gave to me
Five chewed-up stockings
On the sixth day of Christmas my Greyhound gave to me
Six yards of soggy ribbon
On the seventh day of Christmas my Greyhound gave to me
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
On the eighth day of Christmas my Greyhound gave to me
Eight tiny reindeer fragments
On the ninth day of Christmas my Greyhound gave to me
My wreath in nine pieces
On the tenth day of Christmas my Greyhound gave to me
Ten Christmas cards I should have mailed
On the eleventh day of Christmas my Greyhound gave to me
Eleven unwrapped presents
On the twelfth day of Christmas my Greyhound gave to me
A dozen greyhound kisses And I forgot all about the other
eleven days. (well, not really, I was just too tired to care)
Greyhound Twelve Days of Christmas
On the first day of Christmas my Greyhound gave to me
The Angel topper from the Christmas tree.
On the second day of Christmas my Greyhound gave to me
Two strings of yard lights.
On the third day of Christmas my Greyhound gave to me
Three punctured ornaments
On the fourth day of Christmas my Greyhound gave to me
Four broken window candles
On the fifth day of Christmas my Greyhound gave to me
Five chewed-up stockings
On the sixth day of Christmas my Greyhound gave to me
Six yards of soggy ribbon
On the seventh day of Christmas my Greyhound gave to me
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
On the eighth day of Christmas my Greyhound gave to me
Eight tiny reindeer fragments
On the ninth day of Christmas my Greyhound gave to me
My wreath in nine pieces
On the tenth day of Christmas my Greyhound gave to me
Ten Christmas cards I should have mailed
On the eleventh day of Christmas my Greyhound gave to me
Eleven unwrapped presents
On the twelfth day of Christmas my Greyhound gave to me
A dozen greyhound kisses And I forgot all about the other
eleven days. (well, not really, I was just too tired to care)
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